What follows is one of my top ten most embarrassing moments!
Early 1990’s – Applebeeâ€™s Restaurant
I was on a date with a Dork. Just so you know it wasn’t the first date with ‘the Dork’ and it wasn’t the last. That last part probably doesn’t matter, but I’m telling you anyway.
(psst… don’t think I am mean calling him ‘the Dork’, he turned out to be much worse, but it a long, long story – just take my word for it, OK?)
‘The Dork’ and I were seated in a booth, across from each other. I am sure I’ve mentioned in previous posts that I have a serious (but not debilitating) diet cola addiction, so it shouldn’t come as any surprise, that I had a VERY large and icy Diet Coke in front of me. It’s also important that you know that the drink was really tall and the straw very long (remember those two details, ok?).
Just a sec… Iâ€™m going to run and grab a drink.
OK, I’m back…
‘The Dork’ was intent on holding my hands, and because it was beginning to dawn on me fairly quickly that ‘the Dork’ was indeed a Dork, I was avoiding his hand holding. I had decided that until the food came and I could busy my hands with sharp utensils, I would keep my hands out of his reach and under the table.
This left me drinking my TALL drink, with the LONG straw, hands free. I know, it sounds relatively simple right? Lean forward, place mouth over straw and drink.
WRONG … I leaned forward to insert my mouth over the straw, but that damn LONG straw (in the TOO tall glass) had other ideas and went straight up my right nostril. I immediately jerked my head back and away from the drink/straw, but the horror wasn’t over … the frigging straw was firmly planted up my nose and just hanging there!
HANGING THERE! OUT OF MY NOSTRIL!
This is a re-enactment done by a seasoned professional – DO NOT try this at home!
I really don’t remember what happened next, the HORROR! My mind goes all dark and fuzzy and I can hear hysterical laughter. It might be my own.
I think I need to lie down. I’m deep breathing … breathe, breathe…
We did finish our dinner. We went out again after that! Why? I have had many years to ponder this question and I am pretty sure that he’d never seen anything inserted anywhere on a date before and was hoping to get to ‘second base’.
Why did I go? Well, I wanted to say, “Yes” when asked … “did you ever go on another date”? Call it vanity…
Now, I want to know yours! Spill the beans!
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