My Romance Novel – Chapter Three (NaNoWriMo)

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Note: Don’t forget all comments left on ANY post between November, 4th and November 30, 2010 will count as one entry into the Wii should be friends giveaway.

I’ve gotten over the angst of sharing. Once it’s done, it’s done! However, the actual writing has become more difficult, mostly because I worried about what you all may think. Nevertheless, I am still on track with FIVE chapters under my belt (so to speak).

If you are interested:

Chapter One
Chapter Two

Chapter 3

“What? A bodyguard, that’s absurd! It was just a break-in; they happen all of the time!” Brigitte couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “Dad come clean, are you hiring me a baby-sitter? I want the truth.”

Brigitte strode across her father’s dark, masculine office, planted her hands on her father’s desk and leaned forward staring him intently in the eyes. “Spill it!”

“Bridget calm down. I haven’t hired anyone. John Daniels is sending a detective to provided protection and get to the bottom of this”, Joe Riley sighed and pushed in hand through his silver hair, then he took a deep breath, paused to collect his thoughts and continued, “Bridget if I had my way, you wouldn’t leave the property. I’d happily hire as many men as it takes to keep you safe. I don’t like this one bit. However, John Daniels is my closest, dearest friend and if he says Detective Johnson is capable of keeping you safe. I’ll trust him, but don’t push me girl, I’m more than happy to lock you up and throw away the key.”

“Okay Dad, I hear you and I can see you are really worried, so I’ll accept Detective Johnson’s help”, Bridget conceded. Then she folded her arms and stood her ground, “for now”.

“According to John the two thugs that broke into the house are extremely dangerous and not too swift. They’re not playing with a full deck and don’t work alone. He is convinced they are on Max Giovanni’s payroll. If that’s the case you’ve made one very dangerous man angry my girl.” Joe rose slowly from his desk and walked to the window, behind his desk to stare out at the lush gardens below, even in fall they were spectacular, but today he didn’t see beauty. He was lost in thought, consumed with worry. He was silent for what seemed like an eternity to Bridget. Then he spoke quietly and firmly, “Bridget do you have any idea at all, why Max Giovanni would send those thugs to ransack your home? If you do, please tell me now. I can help.”

Bridget walked around her father’s massive desk and stood beside her dad. “Dad I have no idea. I’ve never met Max Giovanni, I don’t want to. I promise you there has to be a reasonable explanation for this.” She reached for his hand, “Please Dad, look at me … believe me … there is NO reason for Max Giovanni to break into my house. Tell me you believe me.”

Joe turned and looked at his daughter, into the blue eyes that were so like his own. “I believe you Bridget, but I am still worried. Please tell me you’ll take this seriously and let this Detective Johnson do his job.”

Bridget wrapped her arms around her dad and squeezed him tight. She knew she could count on him, “I promise Dad”.

Edie tap lightly on the door of Joe’s office and let herself in. She looked very out of place in the very masculine dark panelled office, it dwarfed her. “Detective Johnson has arrived, but PLEASE tell me you’ve talked this girl into staying home”, Edie said, emphasising the please so it sound like PUH-leez, her annoyance in Bridget’s decision obvious.

Bridget determined not to spar with her mother kept her tone calm and conciliatory, “Mother, dad and I have talked it over. I am going home. I’ll be safe with the detective.”

“Fine, but I disapprove. Can we finally consider a safe apartment in one of those nice buildings along the river valley?” You had to give Edie Riley credit; the woman had staying power (and a one track mind).

“No Mother, we can’t. I love my house,” Bridget insisted. ‘It sure was going to be awkward living there with Detective Johnson though,’ she thought to herself. There was no way in hell she was sharing that with her parents. They needed no extra ammo to use against her. She hoped he was easy to get along with and not too old. Then again, he’d have to be awfully difficult to make her want to stay here with her mother!

Joe Riley walked to the door of his office, and then motioned with his head to for Bridget and Edie to follow him, “Come on ladies. Let’s not keep the detective waiting.”

“Oh Bridget, you’re going to like the detective”, her mother whispered LOUDLY, as they made their way down to the formal living room, where her mother had left the Lane Johnson waiting with coffee. Bridget wasn’t overly fond of her family home; it didn’t feel cozy and comfy like her own house. She especially didn’t like the formal living room. It was fussy and feminine and mostly uncomfortable. She wished her mother had put Detective Johnson in the kitchen. It was the one room bedsides her father’s office that she didn’t feel over sized in. Why did her mother have to buy delicate antique furniture that was made for little people?
Wow! That wasn’t a little person sitting her mother’s itty-bitty (and ornate) Italian sofa. Even though Lane was in a sitting position, Bridget could see the Detective was tall. Jeez! Bridget hoped the furniture didn’t make her look that large.

Now that was one good-looking man! A very well-built, very good-looking man, WOW! ‘Stop it Bridget’, she scolded herself silently and then reminded herself that men like the detective, weren’t interested in women like her. Not only that but Detective Johnson was here on business and from the glum expression on his extremely attractive face, he wasn’t too thrilled about it.

* * * * * * * * * *
I’d appreciate your feedback. Please be gentle!

MK xo


Betty · November 6, 2010 at 2:02 pm

I just want to keep reading!! looking forward to what’s coming next with the good detective!! :)

David Thiel · November 6, 2010 at 11:01 pm

You tell him Bridget!

Shelley Condrashoff · November 7, 2010 at 10:41 am

Chapter 3 already? Your flying along Kim. I’d better catch up & find chap 1, ha, ha. ;)

Kim Becker · November 7, 2010 at 10:49 am

@Shelley, I’m actually working on Chapter seven right now :). They’re very short. Once I’m done I’ll probably reorganise …
I’d love it if you’d read it and let me know what you think.

Shelley Condrashoff · November 7, 2010 at 11:48 am

Wow, good for you. I’ll read them but I’m not much of a connoisseur, I just know when it’s good & if I like it. Ha, ha ;)

Kylie Hackett · November 7, 2010 at 12:01 pm

Thanks for the advice on writing! I never thought about moving on in the story and going back to it later to fix. I always try and get everything perfect before I move on and sometimes get so annoyed that I just stop and forget it.

I am going to be moving in a week or so, but I will check back as much as possible to keep reading your story.

I’m a stay at home mom with a little girl, and lots of free time!
So, I will keep checking in and see your progress!


Hannah · November 7, 2010 at 7:04 pm

Love it! I definitely want to keep reading and I think you have talent!

Pauline Graham · November 8, 2010 at 10:54 am

It’s so coming along! I can’t wait to see just how uppity Bridie’s going to be. You just know she’s going to be ‘unco-operative’ with the lovely detective, huh?

    mommyknows · November 10, 2010 at 8:45 pm

    @Pauline Graham, I think you could be right Paul. I really have no clue … making it up sentence by sentence.

Candace · November 10, 2010 at 2:45 pm

I love it … I was so excited just now as I saw you posted chapter 4 and was like wait a min I haven’t read Chapter 3 so here I am LOL

Kylie Hackett · November 11, 2010 at 12:47 pm

I noticed that in paragraph 12 and the last paragraph as well, that in the second “though sequence” unlike the first one, instead of sounding like a thought she would think. It sounds more like narration, because you added “she hoped” in with the thought process instead of before or after it, like you had done in the previous one.

And the last paragraph the thought you described uses “” instead of ”, making the readers think she actually said out loud “Stop it, Bridget!”

Just trying to be helpful, I hope you understand what I’m trying to describe.

Antof9 · November 16, 2010 at 1:48 pm

I hope you chose to do a “romance novel” because you know what utter enjoyment their charm and simplicity can bring to people! This is one of my favorite parts — when the two unwilling main characters meet! Misassumptions like this always make it better.

Yes, still reading!

Oh, and I know you’re not editing or proofing yet, but you changed the way you spelled her name in this chapter :)

lace · November 29, 2010 at 11:17 pm

I’m intrigued now and can’t wait to find out what happens with the detective and Bridget

Melanie · November 30, 2010 at 8:27 pm

Good job. On to Chapter four.

My Romance Novel –> Chapter Four (NaNoWriMo) | mommyknows · November 11, 2010 at 6:40 pm

[…] Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three […]

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