My Romance Novel –> Chapter Two (NaNoWriMo)

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Note: Don’t forget all comments left on ANY post between November, 4th and November 30, 2010 will count as one entry into the Wii should be friends giveaway.

Here is Chapter 2 of my NaNoWriMo. If you haven’t read Chapter 1 –> You may click here to do so.

Chapter 2

“Detective Johnson, I don’t think you understand. This isn’t a request, it’s an order.” Chief Daniels let out a big sigh, removed his glasses, and massaged the bridge of his nose. “Listen son, Bridget Riley is the daughter of my oldest friend. She’s insisting on going home, and I promised Joe Riley only the best to keep her safe.”

“I hear you Chief”, Lane Johnson was far from happy, but there was no arguing with the Chief. “I just don’t get it Sir. Why would she insist on going back to that run-down and now ransacked house? Wouldn’t she be more comfortable staying with her parents for a bit longer, and safer?” Lane couldn’t believe that after a dozen years of service, he was being forced into a glorified ‘baby-sitting’ job for a spoiled socialite.

“Detective, I agree that it seems odd. The old lady next door identified the perpetrators as Lionel Frank and Seth Robbins. You know as well as I do that they’re on Max Giovanni’s payroll. Whether or not Bridie is intentionally involved isn’t the issue. If she has something that Giovanni wants, she’s a sitting duck.” The Chief stopped, looked Lane straight in the eye. “I want to bring Max Giovanni in and I want Bridie Riley safe. You are just the man to do it. If Bridget Riley has committed a crime, she’ll have to answer for it just like anyone else. I want her alive to do it.”

“I understand sir. I’ll do my best.”

“I’m counting on it Johnson!” The Chief planted both of his hands on this desk and hoisted himself from his desk, indicating to Lane the meeting was over. “I realise it’s a Saturday, but please take as much time as needed today to clear up any necessary paper work. I’ll let Joe and Edie know you’ll pick Bridie up about 5 p.m. She spent last night with them.”

“Thank you sir”, Lane excused himself from the Chief’s office and headed straight for his desk, two floors below. Lucky for him, he didn’t let himself get behind with paperwork, so just a couple of hours later his desk was clear. He was ready for his new assignment. He figured he’d better head to his apartment and pack a few necessities. He really wasn’t looking forward to spending God-only-knows how long with a spoiled heiress in that dump! He supposed maybe dump was a bit harsh. If you looked past the mess that Frank and Robbins had made, he figured the first floor of the old place definitely had appeal.. He wondered what was keeping her from finishing up the upper floors. She couldn’t possibly be short of money. He wondered if maybe she had a drug or gambling problem and was into Giovanni for money. Why would Joe Riley’s daughter be living off of 97th street? It couldn’t be what she was used to.

Lane made a quick stop at his apartment to pick up enough clothing and toiletries for a few days. He hoped he wouldn’t need much more time than that. If Bridget Riley was playing games, he was pretty sure he’d be able to get to the bottom of the situation before long. He hadn’t mentioned it to the Chief, but a week from this Monday he’d booked off three weeks of vacation and had planned to drive out to Vancouver Island, to Tofino for some rest and relaxation. He sincerely hoped his babysitting duty would be over by then. He was willing to stick around if it meant nailing Giovanni, but he worked hard and he didn’t want to miss out on a well-deserved break for some spoiled, strung-out brat.

After packing, Lane decided to stop by and visit his Mom. He wasn’t sure how busy he’d be or for how long. He also knew she’d feed him, and if he was moving in with a drug addict, it might be smart to get a decent meal in him.

He knew his mom would be pleased to see him, and he was just as happy to see his mom. If he were honest, he was really happy to see her lasagne as well.

Over a huge plate of pasta he explained his new assignment to her. “Keep an open mind Lane. You can’t be sure she was involved. She may ‘just’ be a victim and in that case she’ll need some support and understanding. She’s probably terrified.”

Lane chuckled, “Thanks Mom, I can always count on you to see the bright side. I’ll tell you what though, I’ll agree to reserving judgement until I’ve had time to suss out the situation.”
“Thanks for humouring me Lane. Now have some more lasagne”, Donna Johnson knew her son was a fair man, but she was still a little worried about the poor girl being left in his charge. “God help her if I am wrong” she thought.

“Have you heard from Chase lately?” Lane asked his mother. His brother Chase was member of Canada’s Joint Task Force 2 (JTF2) and was often away on classified and dangerous missions. Although his family suspected he was in Afghanistan on a counter terrorism mission, there was no way to be sure. Chase knew he’d call if he were able and hoped he’d managed to call and put his mother’s mind at ease and his too.

“No and I am starting to worry!” Donna replied. “I am getting too old for this.”

“Come on Mom, you know as well as I do, that ‘no news is good news’. If something bad had happened, you’d have been notified.” Lane said trying to reassure his mom. “I know what you mean though; these secret missions are getting kind of old. I really hope Chase considers the offer Zach made him before he left. The money is good, the work is challenging. We could really use someone with his expertise. Not to mention that I’d love to work with my brother.”

Zach Donovan was the owner of X Security (*** need a name for this) and Lane occasionally did some side work for him. He had a great team and Lane was debating joining them full time. At 32 he was starting to wonder, if he wanted to stay with the Edmonton Police Service or move into the private sector. Zane had manage to secure some very interesting assignments lately.

“I’ve been hoping he takes Zach up on his offer too. I can’t tell you how happy I’d be to have Chase close by again.” Donna sighed and Lane knew she was worrying about Chase again.
“So Mom tell me what’s new with the lunching ladies”, Lane knew his mom met with her four life-long friends monthly for lunch. His father had started calling them the ‘lunching ladies’ decades ago and the name stuck. He hoped that filling him in on the ladies lives and their off-spring would get his mother’s mind off of the fact that Chase was AWOL, not in a military sense of course, but on the home front.

It worked, Donna spent the next half an hour making Lane laugh as she regaled him with tales from the lunch ladies, they were a fun bunch and Lane enjoyed hearing about their antics.

Reluctantly, Lane pushed himself back from the kitchen island and stood up from the wrought-iron bar stools in his mom’s kitchen. “I hate to leave before Dad gets home, but it’s a bit of drive to the Riley estate. I’d better get a move on. Tell the old fella, I’m sorry I missed him. Now that hockey season’s started, you’ll be seeing too much of me again.”
“Don’t be silly Lane Johnson, there’s no such thing as too much of my boys!” Donna reprimanded. Even at 32 and 30 they were still her boys. “Your dad will be sorry he missed you, but he’ll understand you can’t be late for your assignment. Just remember what I told you about said assignment being a victim though Lane, and remember she’s innocent until proven guilty!”

*** (last couple of lines above need work)

Lane chuckled and leaned to kiss his mother’s cheek, “Yah, yah, yah Ma, I know, I know! I’ll remember my manners! I’ll call you.”

* * * * * * * * * *
I’d appreciate your feedback. Please be gentle!

Don’t forget every comment posted on ANY post (including this one) will get you one entry in our Wii Giveaway.



Ashley · November 5, 2010 at 8:16 am

It sounds good so far. I think if you go back and read it out loud with a fresh mind it’ll help for the spots you want to work on. So much of a novel comes in the “voice of the narrator”. I always say a good book is like a movie and it’s only as good as the characters I cast. Cast your characters and then play around with them.

This of course coming from the woman who’s never written a novel, has no authority aside from the fact that I read as many as possible, while soaking in a tub praying my children leave me be for 25 minutes :)

I really do think it sounds good though!

    MommyKnows · November 5, 2010 at 9:28 am

    @Ashley, Thanks Ashley. I’ve made the mistake of reading through it already. There is so much to do. I think it’s probably why I didn’t re-read last year’s copy –> to much work involved.

    I appreciate you taking the time to read it and your feedback. :)

Candace · November 5, 2010 at 9:32 am

it really is great … I was excited to see you posted the second chapter today LOL

Shelley Condrashoff · November 5, 2010 at 9:14 pm

Sounds great Kim… how many chapters will it have?

Marlene · November 5, 2010 at 10:17 pm

I like how you use the dialog to get your points across. When you do re-read, look for ways to cut the explaining. Good start! You are brave to attempt a novel! Very cool.

Kylie Hackett · November 6, 2010 at 6:29 am

It really is coming off to a great start!

I did have a question on one part I was reading, I just couldn’t seem to read it clearly. Maybe it was an error or maybe I am just confused.

“He knew his mom would be pleased to see him, and he was just as happy to see his her.”

Otherwise, everything looks great! I started writing a “book” as well. I have said that before though and got about 3 chapters in and stopped. I look in my saved documents and see these old stories that I started and never finished.

So, I have to commend you on actually setting a daily goal, that’s awesome!
Good luck!


P.S. Your blog inspired mine. I hope you don’t mind. =]
I just love your blog, but I know mine will never be as good as yours.

    MommyKnows · November 6, 2010 at 12:59 pm

    @Kylie Hackett, Thanks so much Kylie for all of your kinds words. I am heading over to check out you blog as soon as I am done here!

    That line was awkward, I think I started to say one thing and changed my mind. The last few words should be –> see his mom.

    Thanks for that, it’s difficult to proof read your own writing. You know what it’s supposed to say and that’s what you see. Not of course the errors that are actually there.

    Good luck with your book. I’m not really in a position to give advice, but I will anyway … don’t give up! It doesn’t have to be perfect, if you get stuck move foreward, make-do, you can come back and fix it later. :)

Angella · November 6, 2010 at 8:24 am

No time to read right now (Ballet!) but will come back. Just wanted to say, WAY TO GO! You can do it. :)

Roberto Barman · November 8, 2010 at 1:07 pm

I admit I’m reading this. It seems pretty good so far. OK, I’m off to watch Rambo and do other manly things, haha.

Antof9 · November 16, 2010 at 1:43 pm

You know what I’m impressed by is the fact that when you knew you needed to put something in but didn’t have it at the tip of your pen, you just did an “insert X here” and kept going. That’s the kind of thing that would stop me in my tracks, but it doesn’t seem to have slowed you down at all. In addition, it’s not detracting from the story at all.

No; I didn’t go for the walk. I’m still reading :)

lace · November 29, 2010 at 11:11 pm

I’ve always found that editing is the worst part of any kind of writing and tried to avoid it as much as possible.

Great start and now onto chap 3.

Melanie · November 30, 2010 at 7:35 pm

Ok. You have me on the hook now. This chapter held my interest from the beginning. ( No small feat as I have a million things to do) You are really doing a great job. Someone else already mentioned this, but I too am impressed by the way you will just make a note and go on when something needs work. BTW I just recently discovered your blog, but I will definitely be sticking around. :)

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