Kim Becker {aka MommyKnows}
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Giant Steps - Banff National Park

Giant Steps – Part 1

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The Giant Steps – Banff National Park

Giant Steps

There are places in the world world, where you stand and feel so very small and insignificant.

It seems easy to feel humbled, in all the vast greatness of the outdoors, especially the Canadian Rockies. I think it is expected. Even welcomed? It puts all your worries and fears and disappointments into perspective. They are minuscule …

Truth, but then not. On the sofa in my comfortable home, those thoughts and worries can seem overwhelming. The insignificance disappears and becomes overwhelming. Feelings no longer feel minuscule or unimportant, they are HUGE and heart wrenching.

We continually hear the phrase, ‘life isn’t fair’. We say it, but do we truly believe it? I don’t think I do. You reap what you sow. We talk about karma, it’s so distant, and obtuse.

Can the ideas ‘life isn’t fair’ and ‘karma’, even coexist? Maybe, you can lose the battle, but win the war? It doesn’t seem fair, but perhaps it’s just the second act and justice hasn’t yet been handed out?

I have, I think lost the battle. I feel duped, cheated, misunderstood. They are not who I thought they were. Perhaps I wasn’t duped, perhaps my judgement is/was flawed? I made bad decisions, based on false reality. He is not kind, generous or good to ME. Of that I am certain.

I long to tell my side of the story, but you can’t raise yourself up by casting a shadow on another. This is surely the truth, yet at the same time I believe I have a right to tell my story. How can I do this? Today, I don’t know, so I will call this Part 1. I am sure there is a way, telling the truth, weighing both sides…

I’ve always written for the enjoyment of it. Stories to make you laugh, stories to make me laugh. Novels because they are more fun to write, than they are to read. How to’s, because I love to create and if I can do it, anyone can do it. Product spiels, because I have to pay my bills and feed my kids. Photos so you can see what I see.

However, I am going to tell my story. For catharsis, yet carefully, truthfully, and with forgiveness.

17 comments… add one

  • Jo July 10, 2014, 8:26 pm

    I look forward to reading part 2.

  • Kim Becker July 10, 2014, 8:53 pm

    Thanks Jo!

  • Evelyn July 10, 2014, 8:29 pm

    If you can’t do the time. Don’t do the crime!

  • Kim Becker July 10, 2014, 8:53 pm

    Truth!

  • Maxine July 10, 2014, 8:30 pm

    Thanks for sharing. I can’t wait for part 2.

  • Kim Becker July 10, 2014, 8:54 pm

    Thanks Maxine. Good to hear :)

  • Layla in Austria July 10, 2014, 8:31 pm

    You are back! I am happy to see you blogging again. Hurry with part 2.

  • Kim Becker July 10, 2014, 8:54 pm

    I am back :) I will hurry.

  • Anna Stevens July 10, 2014, 8:46 pm

    Tell your story Kim! I for one will be waiting to hear it.

  • Kim Becker July 10, 2014, 8:59 pm

    Thank you Anna. How are the girls? I’m working on it.

  • Missy aka Mom2Many July 10, 2014, 8:47 pm

    I feel sick that you feel so down. What can I do. Glad you are back.

  • Kim Becker July 10, 2014, 9:00 pm

    Hey Missy. Thank you for commenting. I wasn’t sure anyone was still reading. Thank you for caring. Do not worry about me. I am OK. Again my thanks for being here < the best thing for me now!

  • ken July 10, 2014, 11:01 pm

    I’m sorry that you’ve been cheated and misunderstood, and perhaps you’ve been duped as well. I’m also sorry that you’ve made bad decisions, especially since they seem to have hurt you very badly. It seems that some man has been a real asshole. You say that he isn’t kind, generous or good to you. We can often just shrug this off if the person isn’t that close. But if the person is close, really close, then it’s almost impossible to take and accept. That’s when other decisions have to be made … decisions which are in your own best interests. I hope you resolve this all for the better, Kim. Good luck. I’m also looking forward to Part II. It’s not just other women who are interested in you and your welfare.

  • Justine Adams July 11, 2014, 1:29 am

    I’m intrigued to see part 2 we are coming to Canmore for August long weekend. Maybe time for a coffee

  • Jenn B July 11, 2014, 2:10 am

    I don’t read blogs much these days (& I’ve been distant from twitter lately) except for googling a recipe or clicking a compelling post linked on fb, but mommyknows has a special place in my “screwing around on the internet” time. Glad to see a post!

  • Rae August 12, 2014, 3:00 am

    :) I’m here.

  • Heather Sanders October 10, 2014, 6:00 pm

    Waiting–when you’re ready.

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